Silence (Rambling Post)

One light, keeping my ability to see. My ability to flinch at every movement I see out of the side of my eye. My ability to sit around and stare at a bright screen talking to myself. My ability to freak out to whatever bothers me.

One noise, keeping my ability to overthink. My ability to think about who I want to ask to play a game with me so they can say no and I’ll feel like I’m annoying them. My ability to think about how I haven’t talked to her in a week and how I’m the biggest prick I know. My ability to freak out to whatever bother me.

Whether it’s one person, two people, or the world, I’m gonna keep posting on this blog. Even if I’m the one person who consistently views these, you know? These posts are more for me anyways. Kinda just typing of the top of my head, which is what I usually do but I’m in a mood so it’s harder for me to bring thoughts to the surface. I don’t know what to do. No one’s home and I don’t have the strength to focus enough to play a video game, I probably wouldn’t even if I could. I don’t know. It’s too quiet in here. I don’t like it. As much as I love silence when it’s loud, I hate silence when I have it. I already have trouble ignoring my thoughts when I can’t hear them but when I can hear each layer all the time, it’s awful. I’m blasting music through my headset but all it’s giving me is a bigger headache than the one my thoughts already are. I hate this. This is awful. I don’t need silence around me anywhere close to how badly I need silence in me.

 

Fuck Silence.